Brett Favre © Shutterstock

On Brett Favre, Gloria Allred and Mel Gibson.

I’m counting down the seconds until Gloria Allred involves herself in the Brett Favre scandal: text messages and (maybe) raunchy pictures sent to a young lady – “Gameday Hostess” and Playboy model Jenn Sterger – two years ago. Apparently it has taken the young woman two years to recover her equilibrium and remember that she saved those text messages. Perhaps the proverbial rainy day has arrived for Miss Sterger; time to call the middle-aged, injured and career-beleaguered Mr. Favre to account for his randy ways. And to hell with Mr. Favre’s family.

Ms. Allred fascinates me. A good friend of mine answered me this way, when I asked, sarcastically: “Why does Gloria Allred exist?”

My friend said: “She’s a terribly aggravating person, and loves publicity to an extreme fault, but she does some good.” I didn’t reply and ended the conversation because my friend is a woman and Ms. Allred devotes herself to women’s causes. I felt I would say things about Allred and many of her clients that would be unpleasant and offensive to my lady friend. (My first recollection of Allred is when she sued the all-male Friars Club for sex discrimination. I wondered then: “What reasonable woman would want to get into the vulgar Friars Club to begin with?” But it was supposed to make a point, I guess.)

But the very next day, after controlling my Allred bile with my friend, I watched a two-hour “Biography” special on the rise and horrible fall of Mel Gibson. Toward the end, during the telling of Oksana Grigorieva scandal, Ms. Allred popped up, talking about the “open letter” she wrote to Mel. She said, “I wrote it because …” Mr. wOw could not contain himself, “Because you wanted publicity!!!” I screamed at the TV set. My outburst caused B. to rush into my room. “Those new meds not working?” he asked. B. knows Mr. wOw can have extreme mood swings. (Boy, does he know it!)

I did watch the show again, and Gloria said she wrote the letter so Mel would know how hurtful his terrible, secretly taped, publicly aired diatribe was. How awful it was for him to say what he did. He needed to know that – from Gloria.

What held, and even moved me, watching the program on Gibson, was the obvious fact that the battered star is a monumentally tortured person. He was probably programmed by his father to be an anti-Semite, and devoted to the super-conservative form of Catholicism also taught to him by daddy Hutton Gibson. (Mel says his own wife, Robin, will not join him in heaven, because she doesn’t believe as he does.)

But – Gibson clearly suffers over his beliefs, his drinking, leaving his wife and seven children (now eight, thanks to Oksana). He is ashamed of himself. To quote Meryl Streep’s last word in the film, “Doubt” – Mel has “doubts” himself. One look at his prematurely ravaged face shows what is churning inside him. The ugliness, the hate, the remorse he feels because he hates.

But Ms. Allred has no doubts and no apparent sense of shame. Her press conferences of recent years have become a joke – there she is, usually seated next to some weepy woman of questionable repute, causing havoc for some man of equally questionable repute. I guess the capper for me was Allred and porn star Joslyn James, who wanted “an apology” from Tiger Woods. Because his apology to the world about his private life wasn’t enough for Miss James!

How about an apology from Miss James about bad porn performing? Perverts have feelings too.

Allred had a hand in handling the troubles of Rachel Uchitel, another Tiger “mistress.” Rachel, a 21st-century girl, also saved her texts from Tiger.

Brett Favre, you are an idiot. Jenn Sterger, I leave you to heaven. Gloria Allred, travel to Darfur, where hideous rape of women is used as a weapon of war. Hold a press conference there.