Mr. Wow Blog
Mr. wOw Contemplates Thanksgiving
10:00 am | November 22, 2010

Author: Mr. Wow | Category: Point of View | Comments: 14

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Counting my blessings, damnit!

Thanksgiving arrives soon. Mr. wOw casts a wary eye. In recent, depressed years, the happy holiday season has been something of an ordeal for Mr. Wow. (And for all those who encounter him!)

Although I have a lot of be thankful for, I struggle so much with my issues that I am capable of wiping out everything that is joyful. It is a rare talent. Last week I went in to see my doctor. He took my blood, looked me over, complimented me on continuing to do my sit-ups, and sent me away.

I am supposed to check back to find out what my blood work indicates. I never do. What does it matter, I insist, if my HIV meds are no longer working? Or how about all those margaritas during the week? Do my dry house and my liquor-free weekends make up for anesthetizing myself after every stressful working day? I don’t care, I tell myself in my best Eva Tanguay tones. (Look her up. Eva was quite a gal!)

Well, B. does care. He called me at work to say, “The doctor called. All your results were excellent!” Hmmmm … no way out? No feigning the life of an invalid? I have to go on, pretending I am an adult? Shit. B. declared himself thrilled that I was thriving. He ignored my grousing. He actually loves me. Amazing.

And so Thanksgiving bears down, and as much as I fight it, I have plenty to be thankful for. B. – number one. Who the hell else could put up with me? (And he makes fantastic chili!)

My friends, number two. Who the hell else could put up with me?

My job, number three. Feh. Eh. Oy. But really – I haven’t made of it what I could have. So who’s to blame? It’s a better gig than I ever anticipated.

Recently, when feeling bad, I’ve been given to saying, “Well, I’m not a Chilean miner!” But that only goes so far. They got out, and at least one them has that all-American capitalist know-how. Talk shows and marathons. I should be so motivated.

B. is already thinking ahead to Thanksgiving dinner, which he prepares. He knows I prefer the “whole berry” canned cranberry sauce to the smooth jellied variety. We are stocked.

And there will be champagne at midnight, as there always is on major Mr. Wow and B. holidays. He is going to be as good as gold, and I am going to be … coppery.

And then … Christmas! I’ll hold out as long as I can, but in the end – and I do it for B., really – I will mount yet another Christmas bordello. (You all remember last year’s epic, gaudy tree?) He is so amused by my extravagant efforts – every holiday a bigger tree, more ornaments, more tinsel! He deserves to be amused.

I often wonder what B. is thankful for. I find it hard to believe it’s me.

However … there are those insane Christmas trees. On the 12th day of Christmas we are still laughing. And loving. (We skip the lords a’ leaping – the house is too small.)

Oh, yes. And all of you. Thankful every day for this spot to vent and for the good thoughts that have come my way.

Save the drumstick for me.

  • Mr. Wow

    Well, all the previous comments, and my replies have vanished.

    UPDATE: I’m feeling much better. B. has stocked the fridge and is prepping the Big Meal. I am NOT going to force him to make cranberry sauce from real cranberries. (Somebody suggested that) The whole berry canned is fine for me. Listen, B. has to put up with Mr. Wow. Crushing the cranberries is too much to ask from an already overburdened man.

    2:13 pm | November 24, 2010
    • Baby Snooks

      I am not amused. All the snipes and snarks and silliness. All gone. Should have cut and pasted it all for my own archives. Oh well.

      I can’t find the recipe for the Madagascar “bourbon” turkey. And memory no longer serves me. So I will prepare a plain old turkey and get sloshed on vanilla extract.

      And I forgot the cranberries. And now the stores are closed. Oh, well.

      Happy Thanksgiving to us all no matter whether we have fresh cranberries or canned cranberries or no cranberries at all.

      10:06 pm | November 24, 2010
  • Catherine Arnold

    Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. WoW and everyone! Enjoy the turkey and cranberry sauce (with whole berries or not) and don’t forget to say a prayer for others. Get out for a breath of fresh air, it helps clear the head. Do something nice for someone else with no strings attached, it’s good for the soul. Wishing you all a wonderful day!

    6:27 am | November 25, 2010
  • Chris Glass`

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Mine was not traditional but I did get a laugh on the drive to the Veterans Home. A flock of wild turkeys crossed in front of my vehicle on SC 64 just outside the town of Lodge. It was a nice break on the two hour drive down and less worrisome than the deer that routinely cross the back roads.

    7:38 pm | November 25, 2010
  • Lizzie R.

    I missed posting on the lost posts, so here I now am, after the fact. I hope your Thanksgiving Day was wonderful, you were happy, and thankful that you have B. I’d say you are quite blessed. Now you can dash out for Black Friday to shop ’til you drop and buy more drek for your already overburdened glorious Christmas tree. Those who haven’t yet seen it are in for such a breathtaking treat!

    9:40 pm | November 25, 2010
    • Mr. Wow

      Dear Lizzie…I am quite blessed, indeed.

      “More drek?” More exquisite ornaments, thank you very much!

      Happy Day After…

      1:54 pm | November 26, 2010
      • Lizzie R.

        Aw…..just being affectionately facetious. Your tree is gorgeous…a lovely tribute from you to the season. I can’t wait to see it this year. Wait a minute – will be be able to now with this new format?

        9:43 pm | November 26, 2010
        • Mr. Wow

          Dear Lizzie…see below to Baby…and as to seeing the tree here. I’ve had the same thought myself, with the new format.

          11:25 am | November 28, 2010
      • Baby Snooks

        So when do we get to see the photos of Mr. Wow’s Christmas Cornucopia 2010? Personally, well, right now I need a little Christmas as Mame would say!

        10:34 am | November 28, 2010
        • Mr. Wow

          Dear Baby…in recent years I’ve battled so much with depresison that the joy of decorating has become more difficult. In fact, as soon as the Christmas carols start blasting out of every store–seconds after we’ve all eaten that last bit of turkey–I swear I won’t, simply can’t, do it again. I self-indulgently throw myself into the darkest pit. With a great deal of inner-moaning (and, por B.–some outer moaning) I decorate the window. That’s it, I declare in my best Bette Davis manner–I can’t go on. This will have to do! As much as I resist, the window DOES look bedazzling.

          Then, usually a week before Christmas, I drag my sorry ass over to the local Christmas tree outlet (on the grounds of a fabulous old church) buy a tree, haul it in, set it up, sigh a lot and then throw everything but the kitchen sink at it. I feel better instantly.

          So, think–around the fifteenth. Because I leave it up through my birthday in January.

          Ask a question, get a pageant.

          P.S. I am very much missing the spell check. Oh, well, maybe I’ll finally learn how to spell. And to type more carefully.

          This year I am very tempted to post a pic of myself standing next to the holiday monster. I’m sure I’ll be talked out of it, but…

          11:24 am | November 28, 2010
          • Baby Snooks

            Well if you decorated the window I suppose I can hang a wreath on the door. A little one. Not the jazzy New Orleans decadent one. I’ve had one of those weeks. Maybe after you do your thing on the 15th I will go decadent. Maybe put the garland and lights out around the picture window and the front door. Which strangely fit perfectly although they were bought for a staircase years ago. Maybe I might even finally go buy a tree. Haven’t had one for years. Mainly because in a move someone managed to lose my boxes of ornaments. So it will have to be a little one. With a couple of ornaments that managed to get moved. And lots of tinsel and garland and bows and odd things. Weeks here, moves there. You want to talk depression? I used to do the Christmas Cornucopia like you. Just got bored with it. Which is to say I got depressed by it. But this year my inner Mame is, well, needing a little Christmas.

            You can post a photo. I will not. The “Baby Snooks is and let me tell you about….” calls to Liz Smith alone would overload the exchanges in Manhattan and probably leave everyone without service. Everyone of course worried that I had told LIz Smith their deep dark secrets. At which point I would tell her their deep dark secrets. And feel guilty about it. Sort of.

            3:12 pm | November 28, 2010
  • Lizzie R.

    OK….Here we go…RIGHT NOW!!!

    Haul out the holly
    Put up the tree before my spirit falls again
    Fill up the stocking
    I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now

    For we need a little Christmas
    Right this very minute
    Candles in the window
    Carols at the spinet

    Yes, we need a little Christmas
    Right this very minute
    It hasn’t snowed a single flurry
    But Santa, dear, we’re in a hurry

    So climb down the chimney
    Turn on the brightest string of light I’ve ever seen
    Slice up the fruitcake
    It’s time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough

    For I’ve grown a little leaner
    Grown a little colder
    Grown a little sadder
    Grown a little older

    And I need a little angel
    Sitting on my shoulder
    Need a little CHristmas now

    For we need a little music
    Need a little laughter
    Need a little singing
    Ringing through the rafter

    And we need a little snappy
    “Happy ever after”
    Need a little Christmas now

    4:02 am | November 29, 2010
    • Mr. Wow

      Dear Lizzie…Brava!

      6:28 am | November 29, 2010
  • Mary Miller

    Hey Mr. Wow and all, I hope you all had a happy Turkey day.  Mine was a pork chop with some yummy fixin’s and I spent the day trying to salvage my laptop, but alas now have a brand new one.  Funny thing, went to look at emails, opened up link to Wow and poof, computer just simply went nuts.   I will leave the pro’s to that computer and thus will have two at home, for now, am happy and yes even Thankful that I was able to get another.

    11:23 am | December 2, 2010
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